But who is helping you, Momma?
- 2 minutes ago
- 4 min read
When “Helpful” Still Feels Heavy
This week, I met with my daughter’s therapist.
She is wonderful.
My daughter has grown to really love her, and I can’t say enough about how knowledgeable, caring, and supportive she has been.
During our appointment, we talked about several things that could help my daughter.
Practical things.
Helpful things.
Things I truly believed could make a difference.
And then came the list.
Things to practice at home.
Things to add to our routine.
Things to pay attention to.
Things to remember.
Things to follow through on.
As she talked, I found myself holding two thoughts at the exact same time:
This could really help my daughter.
And...
I have no idea how I’m going to add one more thing.
Maybe you know that feeling too.
When “Helpful” Still Feels Heavy
As mothers, especially when we are raising children who need extra support, we are constantly searching for answers.
We look for the right therapist.
The right doctor.
The right school.
The right intervention.
The right activity.
The right routine.
The right strategy.
We read the books.
We listen to the podcasts.
We make the appointments.
We advocate.
We research.
We pray.
And when someone gives us another tool that might help our child, of course we want to try it.
Because we love them.
Deeply.
But sometimes even a good recommendation can feel heavy when your hands are already full.
That doesn’t mean the recommendation is wrong.
It doesn’t mean you don’t care enough.
It doesn’t mean you are failing.
It may simply mean your capacity is being stretched.
And sitting in that appointment, I found myself wondering:
Who is helping the mom who is trying to help everyone else?
Who Sits With the Mother?
Who sits with her when the list feels impossible?
Who helps her when she knows what she “should” do, but she is already exhausted?
Who notices when she is carrying everyone else’s needs and quietly losing herself in the process?
Who reminds her that she doesn’t necessarily need another person telling her how to do motherhood better?
Maybe she needs someone to sit beside her first.
Someone who says:
I see how much you are carrying.
Of course this feels heavy.
You don’t have to figure everything out in this exact moment.
That is the kind of support I believe mothers need.
Not because our children don’t need therapists, doctors, teachers, specialists, or resources.
They absolutely do.
But mothers need support too.
Because we are often the ones taking all of those recommendations and trying to somehow weave them into real life.
Breakfast.
Homework.
Appointments.
Laundry.
Work.
Sibling fights.
Bedtime.
Marriage.
Church.
Meals.
Emotions.
Unexpected phone calls.
And all the invisible things no one else sees.
Whether you have one child or four, sometimes one more thing is simply one more thing.
This Is Why Mom Mental Gym Exists
Mom Mental Gym was never meant to become another place where mothers receive a longer list of things they should be doing.
It is meant to be a place where we strengthen the mother who is carrying the list.
A place where you can come as you are.
Where you don’t have to pretend you are fine.
Where you don’t have to immediately fix what you are feeling.
Where you can slow down long enough to notice what is happening inside of you.
Where you can let Christ meet you there.
And then, from that place, begin building the emotional, mental, and spiritual capacity to keep moving forward with greater wisdom, peace, and connection.
Because capacity is not about doing everything.
It is not about being calm every moment.
It is not about becoming endlessly productive.
It is not even about being present all the time.
That is impossible.
Capacity is about being able to return.
To yourself.
To your children.
To Christ.
Again and again.
You Don’t Need Another Reason to Feel Guilty
Motherhood already comes with plenty of opportunities for guilt.
We feel guilty when we lose our patience.
When we forget something.
When we don’t follow through.
When we are distracted.
When we need a break.
When we are tired.
When we want five minutes without someone touching us or calling our name.
The last thing I want to do is turn “being present” into another standard mothers feel they are failing to meet.
I don’t believe the goal is to be present every moment.
I believe the goal is to build the capacity to return to the moments that matter.
Sometimes you will react.
Sometimes you will shut down.
Sometimes you will need space.
Sometimes you will miss the moment entirely.
And then...
you can return.
You can repair.
You can reconnect.
You can turn toward Christ again.
Grace makes room for returning.
Before You Add One More Thing
If you are carrying a list right now—whether it came from a therapist, a teacher, a doctor, your own expectations, or somewhere else—I want to invite you to do something different before you immediately add it to your already full plate.
Sit with me for a moment.
Not to solve everything.
Just to notice.
Your Capacity Circuit
Step | Ask Yourself |
NOTICE | What is happening within me right now? What am I feeling? Where do I notice it in my body? |
MEET | Can I make room for what I’m feeling without judging myself for it? |
INVITE | Jesus, will You meet me here—in the actual moment I’m in, not the one I wish I were in? |
RETURN | What is one small, faithful thing I have the capacity for right now? What can wait? |
Maybe your next faithful step is doing one thing from the list.
Maybe it is asking for help.
Maybe it is deciding that something can wait.
Maybe it is simply resting tonight so you have more capacity tomorrow.
You do not have to carry everything at once.
Sit With Me
If you are the mom trying so hard to help everyone else, I want you to know there is room for you here too.
Not just the mother you think you should be.
You.
Right now.
Tired.
Hopeful.
Overwhelmed.
Faithful.
Trying.
Still learning.
Still becoming.
Come as you are.
Rest.
Let Christ meet you here.
Together, we’ll build the capacity to return to the mother God created you to be.
I’ll save you a seat. 🤍
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