Why Most New Year’s Goals Fail—and How to Set Goals With Your Eternal Self
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
January 2nd is a hopeful day.
Gyms are full.
Planners are fresh.
Goals feel possible.
And yet, most New Year’s resolutions won’t survive past the second or third week of January.
Not because people are lazy.
Not because they lack discipline.
But because most goals are built on willpower instead of purpose, and on the natural man instead of the eternal self.
As spiritual beings living in a fallen world, we were never meant to white-knuckle our way into becoming better. We were meant to grow with God, not apart from Him.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just follow through?”—this is for you.
The Real Reason Resolutions Fail
Most goals fail for one simple reason:
They are created by the natural man, not the eternal self.
The natural man is reactive. He responds to shame, comparison, urgency, and fear.
So many New Year’s goals sound like:
“I need to fix myself.”
“I should be better by now.”
“I have to try harder.”
“This year I won’t mess up.”
Those goals may feel motivating at first—but they’re powered by the wrong fuel.
Wanting quick results, praise, control, or relief
Avoiding discomfort, shame, failure, or feeling “not enough.”
That kind of motivation burns hot—and burns out fast.
Willpower Is Not the Problem—It’s the Wrong Tool
Willpower works in short bursts. But it was never designed to carry long-term transformation.
That’s why goals based only on:
discipline
self-control
forcing new habits
eventually collapse under stress, exhaustion, or emotional overload.
Especially for moms.
Because motherhood doesn’t offer “ideal conditions” for consistency, it offers interruptions, unpredictability, and emotional labor.
So if your goals don’t account for your real nervous system, your real life, and your real spiritual identity, they won’t last.
A Better Way: Goal-Setting From the Eternal Self
Instead of asking:
“What do I want to change this year?”
Try asking:
“Who am I becoming?”
The gospel teaches that our purpose on earth is not just to improve behavior, but to become more like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
That changes everything about how we set goals.
Goals stop being about proving, fixing, or forcing…and start being about alignment.
Because if we don’t understand why we do what we do, we’ll keep setting goals that fight against both our biology and our spirit.
The Motivational Triad: Why You Do What You Do
Let’s use a simple framework—not as science to memorize, but as self-awareness to guide us.
These goals sound like:
“I want to lose weight.”
“I want to be more productive.”
“I want my house to be calm.”
“I want to feel better.”
A-state goals aren’t bad. But when they’re not examined, they often come from external pressure or instant-gratification thinking.
Eternal-self reframe: Instead of asking “What do I want?” ask:
“What desire needs to be purified/realigned?”
Example:
Instead of: “I want to lose weight.”
Try: “I want to care for my body as a steward of God’s gift.”
Same goal.
Different source.
These goals sound like:
“I don’t want to feel anxious anymore.”
“I need to stop yelling.”
“I want to stop procrastinating.”
“I don’t want to be like this.”
These goals are driven by relief-seeking.
They often fail because they’re fueled by fear and shame—and shame never produces lasting change.
Eternal-self reframe: Ask:
“What is this behavior protecting me from?”
“What support—spiritual, emotional, practical—do I need to grow?”
Goals rooted in compassion last far longer than goals rooted in self-criticism.
These goals sound quieter—but they’re the most powerful:
“I want to become a calmer presence.”
“I want to respond instead of react.”
“I want to live more aware of the Spirit.”
“I want my daily life to reflect who I really am.”
C-state goals aren’t about forcing outcomes. They’re about living in alignment with your eternal identity.
They grow through:
daily practice
small choices
spiritual companionship
patience with the process
This is where real transformation happens.
The Natural Man Sets Goals From Pressure
The Eternal Self Sets Goals From Identity
King Benjamin taught:
“The natural man is an enemy to God… unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit.” (Mosiah 3:19)
When the natural man sets goals, they usually sound like:
“I should…”
“I have to…”
“I’ll prove I can do this.”
“I’ll fix myself.”
These goals rely on pressure, fear, or excitement. They burn hot—and burn out fast.
But goals created by your eternal self sound different:
“Who is God helping me become?”
“What aligns with my covenants and calling?”
“What kind of woman do I want to practice being?”
These goals don’t depend on hype. They depend on identity.
You Were Never Meant to Be Forced—You Were Meant to Act
Lehi taught:
“Men are free… to act for themselves and not to be acted upon.” (2 Nephi 2:26)
When goals depend on willpower alone, we’re constantly being acted upon:
by mood
by stress
by exhaustion
by circumstances
But when goals come from your eternal self, you can act with purpose—even when motivation fluctuates.
That’s agency.
That’s discipleship.
That’s sustainable change.
A Simple Eternal-Self Goal-Setting Process
Before writing what you want to do, start with who.
Step 1: Start With Identity
Ask:
Who am I becoming?
What kind of woman, mother, disciple am I practicing being this year?
Examples:
“I am a woman who seeks the influence of the Holy Ghost daily.”
“I am a mother who responds with intention, not urgency.”
“I am learning to care for my body as a steward, not a critic.”
Or complete this sentence:
“This year, I am becoming a woman who…”
Step 2: Identify the Motivation You’ll Need
Ask:
Does this goal rely on excitement alone?
Does it trigger stress or avoidance?
How can I design this goal to support calm consistency?
Instead of:
❌ “I’ll work out every day no matter what.”
Try:
✅ “I will move my body in ways that support peace, strength, and stewardship—especially on hard days.”
Step 3: Design for Alignment, Not Pressure
Goals fail when they:
require constant motivation
ignore emotional and spiritual capacity
depend on perfection
Aligned goals:
are small enough to repeat
are flexible enough for real life
are rooted in purpose, not shame
Instead of outcome goals:
“I will never yell again.”
Choose practice goals:
“When I feel activated, I will pause and breathe once before responding.”
Eternal growth happens through repeated return, not perfection.
Revelation Belongs in Goal-Setting
The Lord promises:
“I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost.” (Doctrine and Covenants 8:2)
Goal-setting doesn’t have to be a productivity exercise. It can be a revelatory one.
Try this prayerful prompt:
“Lord, what is one thing You would have me practice becoming this season/ today/ this week/week/this month?”
One practice.One direction.One identity-aligned step.
Consistency Comes From Peace, Not Pressure
Lasting motivation grows from presence and peace, not desperation and fear.
Spiritually, peace is a fruit of alignment with Christ.
This is why repentance—realignment—is so powerful. As taught by President Russell M. Nelson, repentance is not about guilt; it is about changing direction.
When you miss a day, a week, or even a month, you’re not failing. You’re being invited to realign.
A New Kind of New Year’s Resolution
Instead of making resolutions you have to survive…
What if you chose:
one identity to embody
one practice to repeat
one question to return to daily
“What would my eternal self choose right now?”
That question will carry you far beyond January.
Because goals rooted in eternity don’t expire when motivation fades.
They grow.
LET ME HELP YOU START -
Inside the January Eternal Self Reset, you’ll learn how to:
· understand why motivation fades
· recognize the difference between the natural man and your eternal self
· set goals from purpose instead of pressure
· practice agency instead of reactivity
You’ll stop asking:
What do I need to fix?
And start asking:
Who am I becoming?
This reset becomes the operating system for everything that follows in 2026.
JOIN US HERE
Sources & Inspiration
Mosiah 3:19
2 Nephi 2:26
Doctrine and Covenants 8:2
Russell M. Nelson, We Can Do Better and Be Better (2019)
Esch, T. (2022). The ABC Model of Happiness—Neurobiological Aspects of Motivation and Positive Mood
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