Why You Can’t Give Your Children Your Oil: The Struggle of Every Christian Mom Wanting Kids to Know Christ for Themselves

A heartfelt reminder for Christian mothers: you can’t pour your faith into your children, but you can shine your light and guide them as they build their own relationship with Jesus Christ.

As Christian mothers, our hearts ache with the same questions: Am I teaching enough? Am I doing enough? Will my children truly know Christ for themselves?

We want them to make good choices, live joyful lives, and fulfill the measure of their creation. And sometimes, in that deep desire, we end up anxious—trying to give them our oil when, in reality, they can only gather their own.

This truth hit me recently while listening to The Dents in My Armor podcast on the Parable of the Ten Virgins. It was an “aha” moment I’ll never forget.

The Lesson From the Ten Virgins

Jesus taught:

“The kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom… The wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.”(Matthew 25:1–4)

When the foolish asked to borrow oil, the wise couldn’t share it. Why? Because the “oil” represents something that can’t be passed from one person to another at the last moment: a personal, daily relationship with Jesus Christ.

That truth speaks volumes for us as mothers today.

Two Honest Thoughts I Had

1️⃣ Sometimes my own lamp doesn’t feel as full as I’d like.

2️⃣ My children can’t borrow my oil—just like the foolish virgins couldn’t borrow from the wise.

As Christian moms, we often try so hard to force our children to take our oil—our personal relationship with Christ. But the Spirit reminded me: I can’t give them my oil. My calling is to shine my light and teach them how to gather their own.

That happens when I consistently model scripture study, family prayer, church attendance, and daily worship habits. These simple but powerful practices help my children see how to develop their own walk with Jesus Christ, lean on the Holy Spirit, and build testimonies that will carry them through their own trials.

Helping Our Children Gather Their Own Oil

Doctrine and Covenants 45:56–57 teaches:

“They that are wise… have taken the Holy Spirit for their guide, and have not been deceived.”

That’s what I long for my children to have:

• Trust in Jesus Christ

• Reliance on the Holy Spirit

• A testimony that He knows them and loves them personally

The truth is, the cost of oil is real. It takes time, faith, and effort. But as Elder David A. Bednar taught:

“If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also.” (John 14:7; Oct 2016 General Conference)

Our ultimate goal isn’t for our kids to survive on our light—it’s for them to know Him for themselves.

A Call to Christian Moms

Every day, I’m learning to ask myself:

✨ Am I focused on forcing oil into my children’s lamps—or on filling my own while showing them how to gather theirs?

Moms, the truth is: you are not alone. Christ sees your efforts. He honors your prayers, your tears, and your desire to lead your children to Him. When you fill your lamp daily, your light can guide your children to the only Source that will never run dry.

💛 How are you filling your lamp and showing your children the way? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts—share them in the comments so we can encourage one another as we raise children in Christ.

🌿 An Invitation for Christian Moms

If your lamp feels empty and you’re struggling to guide your children, you’re not alone. That’s why I created the From Pitcher to Well program inside the Mom Mental Gym.

It’s a Christ-centered space to help you refill your lamp, increase your capacity, and gather more oil—so you can be in the best position to help your children do the same.

✨Your lamp matters, mama. Join me in From Pitcher to Well, my Christ-centered program to help moms gather more oil. Learn how to shine brighter for yourself and your loved ones. I can't for you to be part of my world and grow with you.