After many years of infertility, we decided to foster to adopt, and we were blessed with a 23-month-old boy. We were beyond happy. Finally, our dreams became a reality. I had all these plans in my mind baby blessing, baptism, and dreams moms have for the children. But after three weeks, our dreams were shattered. Our baby boy was taken from us. I felt such deep pain. I couldn't stop crying for many days.
After a few weeks, an opportunity came for us to adopt a set of twins. I was still in deep pain but knew that I had to keep going. So, I met the biological mother of the twins. She was so happy to meet us. She was six months pregnant and said that the babies would be premature, which is pretty common with twins. I was planning to spend a couple of months in Utah, in the hospital, with the twins. I started to make plans for that. I had my baby shower; I set up a nursery with the twin's names. I was ecstatic. I couldn't wait for them to be born, to see their sweet faces. That's when I got a phone call from the child protective services saying that our little boy was back in the system and needed a home.
Wow! From no kids to 3. I didn't even know how I could make that work since I would be gone for months, and he couldn't get out of the state. Nonetheless, we decided to get our little boy back. A few weeks after his placement, we got the news that our twins didn't make it.
At first, I was in shock and thought that I was fine, but after a few months, I would feel the pain every time I would go to the twin's nursery and look at their clothes and baby shower pics. The heartbreak started to be so profound that I wasn't sure how I could get out of that one. That was when another angel came into my life, a 3-month-old baby girl, pure, filled with Christ's love and innocence. On Valentine's day, Joy was placed in our home. She was definitely our bundle of Joy. She came into my life, sent from above at the right moment with a specific mission, to bring peace, joy, and comfort to my heart.
After one year and one day, she left - another heartbreak. Three months after that, we had an opportunity to get her back, and the system failed us. It just didn't make sense to me why she couldn't be reunited with her biological brother and the only parents she knew. We got a private attorney and fought in court. After many, many months, the decision was made for her to stay at her present placement with a family friend.
I'm sharing this story because I know many women are weeping daily for the life they dreamed of having. I don't pretend that I know the answers. The answers are different for every one of us. What I do like to share is that your pain doesn't go unseen or unheard. That the Savior in his infinite and perfect love understands and weeps with you as He wept with Mary and Martha. I learned that our feelings are supposed to be felt; they are no problems to be solved.
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